Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Yarn of the "Nancy Bell" by W.S. Gilbert (1980 something)

The following epic poem was written in the 1980's by a guy who sailed with Military Sealift Command; the same quasi-military organization I was with at the time. The poem was posted by 
Edward Nanartowich the other night. I immediately remembered seeing it before and have asked for permission to re-post it here. 

"Some of you old timers were around when Gilbert wrote this poem I am sure, but it is a tongue in cheek, gallows humor kind of story back in the days of wooden ships and iron stomachs (to coin a phrase). Enjoy it if you have the patience to read."

 The Yarn of the 'Nancy Bell' by W.S. Gilbert

 'Twas on the shores that round our coast
 From Deal to Ramsgate span,
 That I found alone on a piece of stone
 An elderly naval man.

 His hair was weedy, his beard was long,
 And weedy and long was he,
 And I heard this wight on the shore recite,
 In a singular minor key:

 "Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold,
 And the mate of the Nancy brig,
 And a bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
 And the crew of the captain's gig."

 And he shook his fists and he tore his hair,
 Till I really felt afraid,
 For I couldn't help thinking the man had been drinking,
 And so I simply said:

 "O, elderly man, it's little I know
 Of the duties of men of the sea,
 But I'll eat my hand if I understand
 How you can possibly be

 "At once a cook, and a captain bold,
 And the mate of the Nancy brig,
 And a bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
 And the crew of the captain's gig."

 Then he gave a hitch to his trousers, which
 Is a trick all seamen larn,
 And having got rid of a thumping quid,
 He spun this painful yarn:

 "'Twas in the good ship Nancy Bell
 That we sailed to the Indian sea,
 And there on a reef we come to grief,
 Which has often occurred to me.

 "And pretty nigh all o' the crew was drowned
 (There was seventy-seven o' soul),
 And only ten of the Nancy's men
 Said 'Here!' to the muster-roll.

 "There was me and the cook and the captain bold,
 And the mate of the Nancy brig
 And the bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
 And the crew of the captain's gig.

 "For a month we'd neither wittles nor drink,
 Till a-hungry we did feel,
 So we drawed a lot, and accordin' shot
 The captain for our meal.

 "The next lot fell to the Nancy's mate,
 And a delicate dish he made;
 Then our appetite with the midshipmite
 We seven survivors stayed.

 "And then we murdered the bo'sun tight,
 And he much resembled pig,
 Then we wittled free, did the cook and me,
 On the crew of the captain's gig.

 "Then only the cook and me was left,
 And the delicate question, 'Which
 Of us two goes to the kettle?' arose
 And we argued it out as sich.

 "For I loved that cook as a brother, I did,
 And the cook he worshipped me;
 But we'd both be blowed if we'd either be stowed
 In the other chap's hold, you see.

 "'I'll be eat if you dines off me,' says Tom,
 'Yes, that,' says I, 'you'll be,' --
 'I'm boiled if I die, my friend,' quoth I,
 And 'Exactly so,' quoth he.

 "Says he, 'Dear James, to murder me
 Were a foolish thing to do,
 For don't you see that you can't cook me,
 While I can -- and will -- cook you!'

 "So he boils the water, and takes the salt
 And the pepper in portions true
 (Which he never forgot) and some chopped shalot,
 And some sage and parsley too.

 "'Come here,' says he, with a proper pride,
 Which his smiling features tell,
 ' 'Twill soothing be if I let you see,
 How extremely nice you'll smell.'

 "And he stirred it round and round and round,
 And he sniffed at the foaming froth;
 When I ups with his heels, and smothers his squeals
 In the scum of the boiling broth.

 "And I eat that cook in a week or less,
 And -- as I eating be
 The last of his chops, why, I almost drops,
 For a wessel in sight I see!

 "And I never grin, and I never smile,
 And I never larf nor play,
 But I sit and croak, and a single joke
 I have -- which is to say:

 "Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold,
 And the mate of the Nancy brig,
 And a bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
And the crew of the captain's gig!"

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